"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
