what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
