Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
