Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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