Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
