Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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