She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize