Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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