You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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