he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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