I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
