I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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