is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i was born a porn star she said
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
you inspire me to be a worse person
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
