Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
