Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
