I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
