I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
