I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
