I'm gonna have a badass scar
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
