don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
