I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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