Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
