I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Randomize
