It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
