the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
