my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
