Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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