it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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