i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
