it's too hot outside to masturbate.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize