Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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