Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
