The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
