yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We got so high we made milksteak
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
