Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
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