At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
