I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You ate ashes out of my bong
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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