Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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