it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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