Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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