if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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