not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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