hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
