whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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