I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize