Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize