apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
