went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I just sharted jello shots
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