weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
