I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
