He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
