I wanna bring you to show and tell
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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