I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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