Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
