My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
