4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
