You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
