Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
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