Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
