So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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