Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
