Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
