My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
