i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
babies were throwing up all over the place
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
