Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
