I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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