I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize