does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
